All believers, come here and listen,
let me tell you what God did for me.
I called out to him with my mouth,
my tongue shaped the sounds of music.
If I had been cozy with evil,
the Lord would never have listened.
But he most surely did listen,
he came on the double when he heard my prayer.
Blessed be God: he didn't turn a deaf ear,
he stayed with me, loyal in his love.
Psalm 66:16-20 The Message
Like many Southern Baptist girls, I probably went to church on my first post hospital outing. I would imagine that my mama dressed my sister and I in matching "frilly dresses" and those horrible nylon socks with the lace at the top. Anyway, regardless of what I wore, I was always in church on Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night. We even went to church on vacation.
We were always "supposed" to be in church, our friends were the people that we went to church with, their mamas were our Sunday School teachers and if you missed Vacation Bible School it was a BIG deal!!
At the tender age of 7, I was sitting in Children's Church on a Wednesday evening wearing a cotton hunter green two piece outfit with a black Southern bow in my pony tail. I remeber listening to our pastor's wife teach our lesson on creation. My mama was in the room with me and I remember at one point crawling in her lap and crying. I remember telling her that I was "afraid that I was going to die and go to hell". My mother was of course worried and she encouraged me to speak to our pastor after the service was over. However, I was terribly shy and the thought of speaking to our pastor scared me. I went home that night, terrified to fall asleep. I requested that my mama sit beside my bed that evening until I fell to sleep. She went over a thousand times that the only way to ensure that I would not go to hell when I died was to ask Jesus into my heart. She told me that I needed to pray and tell God that I was a sinner and that I wanted him to forgive me of my sins and to ask him to live in my heart. Since I had gone to church since I was only a few days old, I understood this. However, it was still difficult to do. I know that many people are probably thinking, but you were only 7 years old...what bad things could you have possibly done at the age of 7? However, Romans 3:23 says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. God knows the numbers of all of the hairs on our head and he knows all of our sins as well (even our thoughts). My mama told me that she could not pray for me, I had to do it for myself. Just before drifting off to sleep that evening, I prayed and asked Jesus into my heart.
Growing up, I was always considered a "good kid" (I know that many people made fun of me because I was always a goody too shoes). I made decent grades, came home when I was supposed to, did what I was supposed to, but I still sinned. I thought bad thougths, I had a bad attitude and was disrespectful to my parents, I did lots of things that I was ashamed of. I am sure that in my teenage years that many people would not believe that I was a Christian, because I certainly did not act like one! However, I still went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. My parents were even my youth group leaders.
However, even though I went to church regularly. I still lacked having a relationship with God. I hardly ever opened my Bible except on Sunday mornings. I remember dazing off during worship services at my church. The only time that I prayed was when a boy crushed my heart or before report card day!
After I married Spunky, I was impressed (and a little shocked) by the way that he lived his personal life. We did not live together prior to getting married, so I was shocked when I saw the time that he devoted to his relationship with God. Especially when I noticed on our honeymoon that he had an entire duffle bag devoted to different Bible's, journals and devotionals in it (totally not kidding)! On the opposite side, I feel that he was shocked when he saw that I did not even bring a Bible on the trip!
Through that, it was also inspiring to see that when hard times came, Spunky handeled each situation with ease and I was always ready to "fly off of the handle". When big bills came in our mailbox that first year, I would run into our guest bedroom and sob, Spunky however would come in, rub my back and explain that God would provide the funds needed to pay the bill. He encouraged me to pray about the bill or the situation and to watch and see God working. I'm not going to lie...for years, I thought that he was crazy!! However, he was right...God always provided!
In 2005 after my miscarriage, I began to question if I was really saved. I desperately wanted to ensure that I would meet the baby that I lost in heaven. I heard a pastor say something along the lines that if you are truly saved that you will turn from your sin. Again, I did most of my sinning during my teenage years. However, I also knew that I could not lose my salvation (John 10:27-30).
On a 3 day religious retreat in 2005, I went to the altar on a Sunday evening and asked God again to please forgive me of all of my sins and that I wanted to ensure that I would have a place in heaven. For weeks prior to the retreat, I would wake up scared that I was not saved. I went over it again and again in my head, I just did not have peace about my salvation. I spoke to a sweet pastor for a long time and she sat and hugged me for a long time as I cried on her shoulder. I have not seen her since that evening, but I cannot wait to see her in heaven if I do not see her on Earth again.
After that 3 day religious retreat my relationship with God began to thrive. I started to read my Bible more, and I could see God slowly changing my life and my heart. This change definately did not occur over night. It took time, lots of time! It took Spunky and several other close friends to pray for me and to mentour me. I am so thankful for one sweet friend who met me at the track each evening to encourage me and help me through difficult times. I found that I have learned the most about God when I am in the difficult seasons of life, when all the hope that I have is in God.
Is this Christian walk easy? NO!! It's not!! I feel that I have been through many situations in my life that I want to just throw in the towel. However, living with Jesus gives me a hope for the future and he makes my life peaceful. Is it worth it?? Yes! It is!! Heaven is worth it!
What no eye has seen
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived
the things that God has prepared for those who love him.
I Corinthians 2:9
Please know friends, that I desperately want you to spend eternity in heaven with me. If you have any questions, please feel free to email me at imaginehisblessings@yahoo.com
No comments:
Post a Comment