I experienced a break through last week, as I was driving into the office.
I routinely listen to podcasts on the way into the office and New Spring Church in SC is one of my favorites. The new series "Slaying the Giants" has been amazing and I have had my heart pricked each week, but this week was huge. Here is the link to last weeks podcast:
Until last Tuesday, most of my thoughts when I first woke up began like this "Oh heavenly Father, here I am again. I'm doing the same thing that I was doing yesterday. I'm not happy about it, but this is apparently what you want me to do. God, I know that you have the ability to change all of this. But, here I go. Please bless today."
I would then go about my day, striving to see Jesus. Living each day on the edge of my seat, striving for God to pick me up and place me in a more desirable place in my life. To place me in the place of my hearts desire. Each day, I would come home a little more bitter than the day before. A little more angry that God did not come through in the way that I thought that He should have (like I know anything). A little grumpier. My house began to feel more divided because Mommy looked like a porcupine and if anyone got too close her quills may stick you. I was living my life comparing it to others around me and a fictitious picture of what I felt like my life should look like.
So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
I began to realize that I was not living like God was enough for me. I was discontent. I began to realize that I was living my life like a Math equation. God + ? = Happiness
If God came through the way that I thought that He should, I would be happy. If He did not come through, I would be bitter, upset and feeling unloved. I made a list in my journal of all of the lies that Satan has been whispering in my ears.
The truth is, I could have all of these things and still be unhappy. The only thing that I can be fulfilled with is a true intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Through Christ, I have more than all that I need. What God wants me to do is to embrace this season that He has planted me in. To live in this season and to flourish. Not to compare my failures with the success of others. Not to compare my possessions with the possessions of others. Comparing only brings discontentment and Jesus wants more for me.
"I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." John 10:10
Comparison does not give me "better life" like He speaks about in His word. God wants me to live freely, not worried about what others and what I do not have. I have faith that He will take care of me and He knows exactly what I need, when I need it.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:28 MSG
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